Here are 10 key takeaways from Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”:
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Don’t criticise, condemn or complain: Criticism puts people on the defensive and rarely changes behaviour. Example: Carnegie cites an old saying, “Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain - and most fools do.”
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Give honest and sincere appreciation: Praise and appreciation motivate people more effectively than criticism. Example: Charles Schwab credited sincere appreciation as the foundation of his relationships and business success.
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Remember people’s names: Remembering and using someone’s name makes them feel important. Example: Carnegie notes, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
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Be a good listener: Letting others talk about themselves and their interests makes them feel valued. Example: Asking questions that encourage people to share their experiences and opinions.
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Talk in terms of the other person’s interests: Focusing conversations on the other person’s passions and concerns makes them more engaged. Example: Adapting your conversation topics to align with the listener’s interests.
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Make the other person feel important: Sincerely complimenting others' achievements and making them feel valued motivates them. Example: Praising the slightest improvement and being “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
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Avoid arguments: Arguments rarely change minds and often damage relationships. Example: Carnegie advises, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”
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Admit your mistakes quickly and emphatically: Taking responsibility for errors and apologizing sincerely diffuses tensions. Example: Acknowledging your own mistakes before criticizing others.
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Let the other person feel the idea is theirs: People are more receptive to ideas they believe originated with them. Example: Planting ideas subtly and letting the other person come to the conclusion themselves.
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Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement: Recognizing even small steps forward encourages people to keep improving. Example: Giving others a “fine reputation to live up to” through sincere praise.